So…this Sunday is Father’s Day…this time of year is bittersweet for me. Don’t get me wrong…I LOVE being a dad…it is an overwhelming pleasure that God has blessed me with two great kids to raise…I just hope I am not planting them to deep. It is bittersweet cause my father is no longer around as he died in 1994. He was a HUGE influence in my life. He was always there to pick me up with a great story or joke. I was a strange kid as I never went through the phase of “my parents don’t know anything.” I knew the rough life my dad had been through and knew he was taking those lessons learned and giving his kids the best advice he could.
There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of him and wish he was still around. I see my kids growing up and think how much he would love watching their different personalities….most likely as much as he loved watched us kiddos growing up. Now I don’t have these overall Pollyanna thoughts on having a perfect dad and a perfect childhood…I know he made some mistakes as every parent did…I now think me having HBO in my room at the age of 10 was maybe not the best idea…plus there are other things he did that I am sure he would do differently…but wouldn’t we all. He did the best he could have with not much of a father figure to work with.
See my Granddad…let’s just say he liked the ladies…he was married 8 times…you could say 7 since he married one lady twice…but he did marry someone in between so….dad was shipped around from relative to relative for most of his childhood. His baby sister got adopted but not him so I wonder if he had this deep since of not being wanted. But it was out of this mixed-up childhood that he came out and became very successful in the broadcasting industry.
He wanted to be a play-by-play guy and had great dreams of being famous…but he realized quick that the former players (even in the 60’s) were getting all the good jobs…so he looked around Texas and decided he would move to the Midland/Odessa area. Why there??? Well he had just discovered the game of golf and realized he could play out there about 350 days a year cause of the weather…he did his best to accomplish that task too. In the “Petroplex” dad became a bit of an influence…he had a popular morning radio show, was on the TV as a sportscaster/weatherman, had a stint on the Odessa City Council and ran for Mayor..it was fun..but it was also hard as “Frank’s” kid to live up to the mystique…I knew I needed to be good and not upset the applecart…so I just decided to be a constant pleaser of him…if I could make him happy the my life was good..
What I am learning as I am now is I should have been turning to God my heavenly Father not my earthly father..my earthly father had a lot of faults..my heavenly Father has none. Course then we were not church going folk….remember that golf thing?? Yea…he was adamant about getting on the course before all the church going folk got there…so really I did not have the church upbringing…I sorta went to church in my high school days…but really nothing was sinking into my life…I was dating a great gal and she went church so I did too. It wasn’t until I was in my early 20’s that I decided to give into my heavenly Father’s call..in fact it was shortly after I did that my earthly father died…so God stepped in and showed Himself to me and I ran to His arms…but I still had that pleasing dad issues…even after his death.
I have since spent the last 16 years looking for a new earthly father type to fill that love/pleasing cup…and I have failed to find one…why?? I am understanding it is because I have been trying to put humans in a place that only God can fill..not my wife, my mom, my kids, my friends, my pastor, nor anyone can fill that cup…He is the only one…He is the only one to look to…and the great thing is He is there with me and His grace has taken the pleasing factor completely out of it…He loves me with all my faults and all my issues….
I have had to come to terms with not putting people on a pedestal…God is my rock…He is my Father….which has made this year’s Father’s Day a bit more sweeter…and a lot less bitter…
I love and miss you dad…
I love you Father God. I am so glad you are by my side and are a patient parent…help me be the best dad I can be…by turning my kid’s hearts more towards You than me….
Well….time to get groovin’