So There I Was…


Great title isn’t…OK really maybe it has been overused…but have you ever thought of the moment when you came to a truth in your life or maybe a life changing opportunity??  I think the title is a good for that “Oh I get it” moment…

So there I was…

I had one of those “oh I get it” moments recently. It was a moment when something hit me that it was time to change something in my life.  It was earlier this year and things had not been going well in my life. It seemed a bit out of control and I felt like I was kinda losing it…I started thinking…maybe I am need a vacation…but can’t really take one… then my wife kidnapped me to Miami for my birthday and it was an awesome couple of days…but we have all been there…you get a way for a while come back refreshed….and there you are….reality hits you like a ton of bricks.  So I sat there and went…now what??  Oh I get it I may be on the verge of a depression…wow so that is what this might be…but am I??  I mean how does that feel…what does that look like??

A bit of back story…I had just had a great year…I had FINALLY graduated from college…had gotten a role in a musical that I had dreamed of my whole life…like number 2 role on my list…that big…I finally made it to Graceland…GREAT year….oh and to top it off I lost 50 lbs…I had not been under 300 lbs in a LONG time…yahoo…things are looking great.  Then January came and I turned around and the spotlight was gone…I had put back on weight so I was back over 300…great…just great…to make things worse in my eyes…I had not been a great husband and father…or the best friend…and I had not been a good boss or co-worker….huh…well that is just great….now what??

So there I was…and God was there too…only I did not know it…He was there all a long…only…I didn’t see Him…I had too busy and focused on me and stuff that was important to me…and He patiently waited until all the noise in my life quieted down…and just when I thought something was amiss…I realized my relationship with Him was amiss….

We have been talking a lot this week on the Church Technical Director Roundtable message boards about burnout…it is so easy for those of us in this life  and at work to get burned out…how do we keep doing what we are doing…quietly…and doing it at a high level and not getting the accolades that our ego wants and craves and not get burned out?? Why do we keep doing what we do…and still look for help in areas that we think we need…when nothing around seems like it is working???

I think a friend who I counseled with back in February and still meet with said it best in our first meeting,  “I think Chris what you are realizing is that you are looking for something that you think is there…when God is there and you should be seeking Him.”

So there I was….and God was there…even when I had chosen not to hear His voice…but He waited…and waited…and waited on me to get broken down in a lot of things…and He is still there as I continue to get broken down…cause I am not even close to finished…I am still struggling to be a better husband and father…I am still struggling to be a better friend…and I still need work on work stuff…but the good news is that I am no longer waiting for something or someone to fill the emptiness…I am looking more and more to Him….

So here I am……..time to get groovin’……

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